Being the saint

for him I sing, …

heart ache


a terrible pain crept up my chest, reaching my hands

and climbing up my head into my jaws

i lay dreaming you in a hospital

ticking moments, beeping pulse and dripping iv

is this hell, and am serving my sentence

and for what sin – the sin of loving you?

 

i know this pain, not more painful than your absence

this pain, would kill me only once

your bereftion kills me every moment.

all the chemicals, doctors and medication

they can correct my heart, but not cure my heart

i feel atrophied, spiritually and emotionally of you

and that only you and god can make up for.

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Filed under: he

forget you, my love


forget you my love and how can i

can we forget all that is life and light

and the existential warmth of the morning

how can i forget, the euphoria of love

and the nostalgia of the times what we are

how can i forget meaning that you provide

in the midst of the senseless universe

can i forget the feeling of completion, that you are

my only island in the oceans of incompletion

how can i forget your recurring dream

that fills all the non existence of my sleep

i can die, i can wait, i can dream, and i can pray

and i will keep loving you.

Filed under: he

ask of you


what redemptions do i ask of thee, my god

when thy existence is thine greatest gift

what boons do i desire from you, my angel

when your light and warmth filled my emptied soul

what inspiration can I seek of you, my muse

while I being the poem you writ.

 

I love you

 

what love can i ask of you, my lover

satisfying than the knowledge that you exist

what more can i ask from this universe,

more than your serendipitous existence

what more can i ask of myself,

more than the monumental moments that we were

 

i just live you

Filed under: he

the desert beat


while these monotone beats fade away

when this heart stops to throb

while I walk a desert cast away

mirage to mirage I do cross

reality is less by a mirage

i am wiser by another

i walk to quench a thirst

reach the oasis of his love and sunshine

a thirst that arose from the beating heart

perishing all that i am in sands

except a hope,  a dream, a prayer and his love

Filed under: he, , , , , ,

in the light of the oblivion dark


in the light of the oblivion dark,
unstarting unending being of nothingness;
mocking all that is nothingness of being,
undermining and erasing everything life and light.

under that sardonic ironic tragic stage,
asleep was i, dreaming none but you;
how can any light wake me up,
and what life can foil my dreams.

these are the realms of those external darkness
that vanquished all that was, is and will be;
all that light and life that flickered in an
oasis of space and time, probably a mirage.

under such tyrannical tomb of space and time,
i sleep in peace and in your dreams
what men or matter can ever distance me
from you, the you in my dreams.

they men, matter and moments, all that were conquered
only thought they were, indeed a psychedelic mirage.

Filed under: he, , , , , ,

a prayer


the day is born waking the world to the light
from the darkness and death of yesterdays night

the harbingers of life, spreads their wings fill the sky
and i await for the moment, i can see you in my eye

thus starts my everyday, warm and bright
in the presence of your divine light

the spirit of life and hope kindled, i feel alive
in your faith, i feel any apocalypse i can survive

when the night sets in the dreary dark
sadly, silently to my tomb, i embark

dreaming the new day, the world asleep
with hope, love and a prayer, i weep

remembering the moments that you are
and hope for the moments that you will

the patron saint you are to this lightlorn sailor
navigate me safely to the port on a mere prayer

thou are my angel, bless me to your light
Be there, keep me in your sight

the god thou are to me, salve my deadlost soul
make me for the time complete and whole

i am not good, not bad neither right nor poor
i am not beautiful, not ugly, neither virtuous nor vile.

i am what you make of me; i am what you break of me

you mean all this to me, a god, an angel, a muse, a saint
and all i have for you is just a prayer

and all I do is just keep the faith, hope
pray and love you hopelessly, for ever

all i know is my days and nights revolve around you; seemingly unceasing
all i do is hope, love and keep praying; hopelessly but untiring

Filed under: he, , ,

to sleep I go


when i am awake all i think is of you
and when i sleep all i dream is you
when i am alone, i am with your memories
and when not, i am in your anticipation

i watch for the wretched moments to tick
one after another meaningless and silent
in vain hope for that one moment
that bring me to you, a mirage

not hope, i can loose,
not love, i can give up,
not you, i would not pray,
i can, give my life.

i love you

the tide is tough for me to steer
winds are rough not knowing where i veer
do not know how long can i endure
but i sleep in your dreams for sure

till eternity
i love you

Filed under: he, ,

ergo sum


Exist my muse,
ignite my passion
enliven my spirit
kindle my heart
and become my poem.

Exist my angel,
shine thy light upon me
guide me through thy path
lest I loose my way
wander hopelessly astray.

Exist my God,
elucidate life and universe
meaning of all, being and nothingness
redeem my soul
For eternity I do not want to be lost.

Exist my love,
in you liveth my muse
in you doth my angel
and in you my god
in you is all and none
And in you, I exist.

Just exist my love,
somewhere anywhere
what can i ask more
amour, just be
I want to exist.

Filed under: he, , , ,

i miss you or not


sweet is the taste of the pain of bereftion
poignant is the melody of the songs of desolation
enlightening is the melancholy of your absence
for I am miss you

the silence sings the absence of your voice
the void reflects images of your non presence
the ambient aromates the scent of your departure
and do I miss you

you are where, there or anywhere nowhere near me
but you are always here, where i am, near me
not far a distance that love cannot reach
too far a distance thought would not reach

i miss you, though you are with me
and i never miss you, though you are not with me
there be a place day under the sunlight
where i am you and you me.

Filed under: he, ,

once upon a time, here and now


Once upon a time, here and now,
lived the king reigned the ruins of time.
Roaming in the halls, haunted by memories,
Of tomorrows when you love him.

Laughing languid over requited love,
Hearing harpsichords keeping rhythm to the hearts beats
Dying to the fact that you dont love,
And not that space time grows old.

Sings the chorus, the songs of life,
What is heard is only the sounds of death.
The living celebrating the spirit of life,
But the dead in heart celebrates the soul of living.

Why do I love thee? And why not thou love me?
Were never asked question thank God, I dost
For the opportunity to love thee. Lest a moment
Would have been here when I loved not thee.

Said the dead King swore on his womb.
Writ on his tomb that a fool he was,
By a world celebrating his demise,
but in your love, did he abscise.

Filed under: he, , ,

About Me

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

-- From Ulyssess by Lord Alfred Tennyson

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"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law"

-- AL I:40, Liber Al vel Legis, Aleister Crawley

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Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

-- spoken by Hannibal whilst crossing alps with elephants at Punic Wars

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I am the Messiah of New Hope, New Age and New Light.
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My Passions include Hindu Civilization; Knowledge, Wisdom; Art; Science; Universe; Philosophy; Hindu Anarchism & Internationalism
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RSS Saintly Journal

  • Change on Cards March 26, 2013
    I got few changes, hopefully in the pipeline. I might consider shifting to ScreenMagic.com or might not. Job is fine. Just an incidental happening in the life of a sincere student of philosophy. There are just two things, I constantly seek. One is He and the other one is Knowledge. So that makes an internet […]
    Saint
  • Being and Nothingness March 25, 2013
    Every facet of my life revolves around him. My moments, my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my prayers. Each and everything. It is sort of a revelation for me, like the Copernican theory of universe. The leitmotifs always are the same. Constant, immutable and unchanging, amidst changing universe. Each passing of a moment brings with […]
    Saint
  • A poem for you March 21, 2013
    Filed under: Uncategorized
    Saint
  • Pathetically predictable March 20, 2013
    These bastards so pathetically predictable. And yet they are foolish enough to understand they are extremely predictable and predicted. Well Dog’s tail. But that is good for me. All I would be doing is think and dream about him, help him all the while, I am around here. Einstein defined stupidity as “Doing the same […]
    Saint
  • A great day March 19, 2013
    Some days in my life are so worth remembering and some days make me proud. These moments are my success and rest all is just plain incidentals. Here I have three freshers, and sort of tried to guide them. And all three of them, are doing excellent. Getting good reviews, being great at work, and […]
    Saint
  • Future Tense March 12, 2013
    So these guys carry this notion that my existence is dependent upon aligning with themselves and all the past “success” would be a waste if I do not align with themselves. I want to make this clear. I love this guy. If only he could have these feelings for me, I would have braved the […]
    Saint
  • Anarchist’s Way March 11, 2013
    So I know what is happening and I know what has happened and worse, I know what is going to happen. But I do not resign to the inevitabilities omnipotency and have taken the extra spirit and extra codeine to fight out any thing that is inevitable, hopeless, impossible. It is not for me. I […]
    Saint
  • Been a while March 6, 2013
    It has been a while, when I looked upon my yesterday and reflected the days that were. I know there is not much meaning in these days. It is all just plain simple political dirt slinging matches, everyday, when my boss hurls his dust on me and I reciprocate. These are meaningless days, meaningless times, […]
    Saint
  • He February 27, 2013
    Been a few days, since I posted something. I am now ugly, my home, a junk yard, my clothes lay scattered, my thoughts go awry and my heart feels painful. I am distant from him. Far too away, a chasm, not even god could fill. Separated not only by the universe that god designed but […]
    Saint
  • Standing to loose all February 19, 2013
    Hi there, the time has come, shouted the harbinger of the doom, well, of sorts. I am working here since 8 months. Got good at this job, just like with any stuff I do. I have conducted interviews, got good guys around in the team, kept the integral unity of the team and I was […]
    Saint

Latest Articles

For Him I Sing

FOR him I sing,
I raise the present on the past,
(As some perennial tree out of its roots, the present on the past,)
With time and space I him dilate and fuse the immortal laws,
To make himself by them the law unto himself.

from "The Leaves of Grass"
by "Walt Whitman"

LOVE is anterior to life

LOVE is anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation, and
The exponent of breath.

Omnia Sol Temperat

Omnia sol temperat
purus et subtilis,
novo mundo reserat
faciem Aprilis,
ad amorem properat
animus herilis
et iocundis imperat
deus puerilis.

Rerum tanta novitas
in solemni vere
et veris auctoritas
jubet nos gaudere;
vias prebet solitas,
et in tuo vere
fides est et probitas
tuum retinere.

Ama me fideliter,
fidem meam noto:
de corde totaliter
et ex mente tota
sum presentialiter
absens in remota,
quisquis amat taliter,
volvitur in rota.

TO lose thee, sweeter than to gain

TO lose thee, sweeter than to gain
All other hearts I knew.
’T is true the drought is destitute,
But then I had the dew!

The Caspian has its realms of sand, 5
Its other realm of sea;
Without the sterile perquisite
No Caspian could be.

HEART, we will forget him!

HEART, we will forget him!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me, 5
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you’re lagging,
I may remember him!

I ’M ceded, I ’ve stopped being theirs

I ’M ceded, I ’ve stopped being theirs;
The name they dropped upon my face
With water, in the country church,
Is finished using now,
And they can put it with my dolls, 5
My childhood, and the string of spools
I ’ve finished threading too.

Baptized before without the choice,
But this time consciously, of grace
Unto supremest name, 10
Called to my full, the crescent dropped,
Existence’s whole arc filled up
With one small diadem.

My second rank, too small the first,
Crowned, crowing on my father’s breast, 15
A half unconscious queen;
But this time, adequate, erect,
With will to choose or to reject,
And I choose—just a throne.

MY worthiness is all my doubt

MY worthiness is all my doubt,
His merit all my fear,
Contrasting which, my qualities
Do lowlier appear;

Lest I should insufficient prove 5
For his beloved need,
The chiefest apprehension
Within my loving creed.

So I, the undivine abode
Of his elect content, 10
Conform my soul as ’t were a church
Unto her sacrament.

LET me not mar that perfect dream

LET me not mar that perfect dream
By an auroral stain,
But so adjust my daily night
That it will come again.

ONE blessing had I, than the rest

ONE blessing had I, than the rest
So larger to my eyes
That I stopped gauging, satisfied,
For this enchanted size.

It was the limit of my dream, 5
The focus of my prayer,—
A perfect, paralyzing bliss
Contented as despair.

I knew no more of want or cold,
Phantasms both become, 10
For this new value in the soul,
Supremest earthly sum.

The heaven below the heaven above
Obscured with ruddier hue.
Life’s latitude leant over-full; 15
The judgment perished, too.

Why joys so scantily disburse,
Why Paradise defer,
Why floods are served to us in bowls,—
I speculate no more.

YOU left me, sweet, two legacies

YOU left me, sweet, two legacies,—
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain 5
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

Circa mea pectora

Circa mea pectora
multa sunt suspiria
de tua pulchritudine,
que me ledunt misere.
Manda liet,
Manda liet
min geselle
chumet niet.

Tui lucent oculi
sicut solis radii,
sicut splendor fulguris
lucem donat tenebris.
Manda liet
Manda liet,
min geselle
chumet niet.

Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Ulyssess

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd
Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone, on shore, and when
Thro' scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honour'd of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life! Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,---
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me ---
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads --- you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

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