a moment for reprieve
another to strive
a moment for me to dream
another to scream
a moment of your love
a moment when i live
March 13, 2013 • 2:49 pm 0
a moment for reprieve
another to strive
a moment for me to dream
another to scream
a moment of your love
a moment when i live
January 22, 2013 • 12:37 pm 0
all the world is an illusion,
when reality is a delirium,
you and life is just a hallucinatio,
love is tomorrow.
world that heeds not your opinion
a nation, you do not belong to
amidst oppressive tyrannical times, that ,
every man is an island.
reality, that relentlessly binds you to eternal
emotional slavery, in chains of decimation.
there is nothing but virtue and honor,
by relieving yourself from this hell.
in a world, all your boon is seeing him once a day
and your music is all the words, that he speaks
and all the grace is just his presence
your perversion is not a transgression.
All my victory is in loving you a minute more
all my osalvation is seeing you one more day
and all my hope is hoping for a tomorrow
yes love is tomorrow.
the fruits of a fight are the fight itself
the returns of a good deed is doing the deed
love’s greatest monument is just loving
so i seek love and live seeking love.
January 20, 2013 • 3:35 pm 0
to redeem myself, to reach you, i fight
from this intellectual slavery and emotional drudgery.
you are my meaning for this life,
and all the universe is a void.
release me, from the bounds of reality,
free me and my soul, to a new creative zeal
i am a prisoner for love and warmth
condemned to this damnation.
January 13, 2013 • 5:54 pm 0
all the medicine and medicine men
stitch me as a new old rag
all the instruments and medications
kick my heart pumping blood
the life in me, atrophied
and my soul departed
my spirit amputated
and the essential me, deceased
my light, faded into darkness
of this cold eternal night
my warmth, frozen dead
midst this biting cold
my song, died down in to silence
the silence of the soulless song
dear god, upon my saintly soul
i have but one sincere prayer
if universe does not have a lover for me,
please release me from this prison
and bless me to eternity with his dreams
January 13, 2013 • 5:41 pm 0
a terrible pain crept up my chest, reaching my hands
and climbing up my head into my jaws
i lay dreaming you in a hospital
ticking moments, beeping pulse and dripping iv
is this hell, and am serving my sentence
and for what sin – the sin of loving you?
i know this pain, not more painful than your absence
this pain, would kill me only once
your bereftion kills me every moment.
all the chemicals, doctors and medication
they can correct my heart, but not cure my heart
i feel atrophied, spiritually and emotionally of you
and that only you and god can make up for.
January 13, 2013 • 5:30 pm 1
forget you my love and how can i
can we forget all that is life and light
and the existential warmth of the morning
how can i forget, the euphoria of love
and the nostalgia of the times what we are
how can i forget meaning that you provide
in the midst of the senseless universe
can i forget the feeling of completion, that you are
my only island in the oceans of incompletion
how can i forget your recurring dream
that fills all the non existence of my sleep
i can die, i can wait, i can dream, and i can pray
and i will keep loving you.
January 13, 2013 • 2:28 pm 0
what redemptions do i ask of thee, my god
when thy existence is thine greatest gift
what boons do i desire from you, my angel
when your light and warmth filled my emptied soul
what inspiration can I seek of you, my muse
while I being the poem you writ.
I love you
what love can i ask of you, my lover
satisfying than the knowledge that you exist
what more can i ask from this universe,
more than your serendipitous existence
what more can i ask of myself,
more than the monumental moments that we were
i just live you
December 26, 2012 • 3:16 pm 0
while these monotone beats fade away
when this heart stops to throb
while I walk a desert cast away
mirage to mirage I do cross
reality is less by a mirage
i am wiser by another
i walk to quench a thirst
reach the oasis of his love and sunshine
a thirst that arose from the beating heart
perishing all that i am in sands
except a hope, a dream, a prayer and his love
December 17, 2012 • 7:13 pm 0
i am going to mars. i am in earth’s orbit my oribtal parameters are per: 6.5m apr: 6.93m rasius: 6.742m, inc 52.31 degrees and lan 180.05 degrees. the current time is Wed march 14 13:02 2001 mjd: 51892.5459. i plan to escape the earth’s gravity and burn fuel so that my transfer orbit gets as close to mars as possible. i consult my mfd. at a burn cost of 2.238k at 51983.5393 i would be reaching close to mars at 5.785g at an estimated mean julian date 52221.0901. this means, i should sync my orbit with mars orbit before the ejection time and when the ejection time arrives, i should do a prograde burn.
i need to correct my inclination by 52 degrees. i am at an. i change my attitude to normal – and burn so that the relative inclination is reduced to near zero. i could get my ri to 8 degrees. i need to wait till i reach dn to correct these 8 degrees. i have reached the dn and i could correct my ri. the ri now is at 0.137 degrees. all i need to do is wait for hte ejection time and eject. i could see hte earth to my right side. i need it on my left side. i need to change my attitude to prograde. Hitting the prograde auto pilot programme will put me in the prograde attitude in no time. i hit the programme and i can see earth changing attitude to my left. i am in the daylight side of earth. the mjd now is 51982.5932 that is Wed march 14 14:14 and i am waiting for the ejection time till such time, i would be in this low earth orbit, revolving about earth without any fuel loss. my ejection is a day away and i stop staring at the mfds and i see the beauty of the eart, though a planet torn by strife, looks so peaceful and specially the night side. the part of the world is dead asleep and i slowly orbit into the sun rise. a harbinger of a new day. Harbinger of my ejection point. i prograded my self.
the earth has nothing for me. more or less everything i have is my lover and this love is not commutative. my life on earth is a misery, carrying unrequited love. the universe might have something for me. i keep thinking about him, as i wait non chalantly for hte ejection time. as my dg rotates about the earth, my life rotated around him. my sunshine is his presence and his absense my night time. now i have no sunshine on earth. so i choose to hit the eternal night on this vast bottomless and topless space with my dream, my hope, my love and my prayer.
51984.00000 a matter of few minutes. i would be burning away to mars, leaving behind earth, whom i love on earth. and carry me, my dg, my broken heart and my unrequited love towards mars. i am perhaps lucky. i still got the love for the unknown and distant .0666, impatience and his memories forced me to hit hte lever forward and burning away to increase my speed. there was an overburn. immediately i change my attitude to retrgrade and hit the lever again to correct the excess velocity. now i am as per my mfd suggestions. in some time, i should be out of earth’s gravity and in the gravity of the sun. but i would never be out of his love and i would never be in my sunshine.
51985.0000 sun’s gravity dominates me, the love for unknown now possessed me, and drives me. the earth gravity is a minor parameters just as my unrequited love. day night have no meaning for me now. 5.8g is still very far from mars. mars would be just a pale red dot at this point. and the effect of mars gravity is zero. as a matter of fact, i have to reach an altitude of 120m of mars so that mars gravity dominates the solar gravity. i need to correct my course so that i will reach this altitude of 120m and be in mars gravity in a few months.
i would be reaching the anti nodal point in some time, and if i correct my inclination with respect to mars plane of rotation around the sun, i should be able to reduce my mars apprach distance from 5.8g to 600m. it is may 02, 2001, 11:53 that is mjd 52031.4953 and this is the an. Changing my attitude to normal- and burning will result in inclining me correctly with the mars plane. mars and my dg have a relative inclination of 1.85 degrees. i do not know if i get to this near zero, if my distance would be approach dropping to 600m. i might not be able to find love on earth. i do not know how to do it. but i definitely know that i can correct my course en route to mars to drop my distance to 100m so that i can be in mars gravitational dominating. this is very crucial to get this as close to zero as possible and there are only two opportunities on my way to correct my relative inclination. now my ri stands at 0.17. and my an moved forward. so i can make it to an again and correct this 0.17 degrees also.
september 6th and now i am on an again. i have corrected ri to 0.04 which is pretty fine. now i check my mfd for the approach distance. it shows 1.5g and a fear grips me. my expectations were that this burn should have gotten my app. dist. to 600m. but 1.5g. i am limited in my options at this point. i know that if i hit prograde attitude and burn more and try reaching mars faster or a vice versa operation should end up at correcting this to 600m. so i do a few simulations to see which one works. i change my mfd mode to manoeuvre from the approach mode, and i am running simulations to see which one works and by what amounts. in a few minutes i should have a working plan and working course correction ready.
i have a working plan. doing a burn of 520 at mjd 52158.7782 should reduce my Closest approach distance to 127.5m and this is the least i could obtain by the method of hit and trail. once i am around mars, i can again fine tune my solutions. the mjd now is 521.58.7732. and in 0.0050 i should be correcting my course that would get me 128m from mars. i had a slight overburn. but my computer shows that i would be at reaching a distance of 118m from mars. and this is good. and i would be reaching this point at 52229.2250.
my only fear is that if i could not get a lockdown on mars gravity, i would again be tumbling my way back to earth and earth has something more sinister for me. it would be great if earth has nothing for me. but now, it would always be presenting me my unrequited love and unfullfilled desire, the only desire, the one need and want for which i craved my whole life, for which i can lay my life down. and i cannot bear earth not anymore. i cannot carry the pain of an unrequited love and bereft lover. on mars, i would have the love for the unknown and the love for the exploration for me. and i would have a new lover for me in mars. By gods grace, i am saved from this fate.
i do not need to do any course corrections. so i change my frame of reference to mars. Currently my radius from mars if 16g and i would be approaching 118m. but still i have plenty of time to go. several months do separate from a bereft lover to a new lover, an unrequited love and a universal love.
today is oct 12, 22:50 2001 and i am at 8g altitude from mars. soon i should be reaching mars gravity and no later, i would be around mars. on earth my life rotated around him. and here, i would be rotating about my new found love. i update my orbital parameters to get a fresh picture and my mfd shows my closest approach distance as 123m. but this is also fine. any fate is good enough for me, so far as it is not unrequited love, precisely, another unrequited love and a new lover bereft. my heart would not take it. it just would not. it just cannot.
i am at 5g and today it oct 27, 2001. the gravitational effect of mars on my dg is zero and sun is all that is binding me. but yonder there i could see mars splitting into mars, phobos and deimos. a new hope, a new love, a new dream and a new prayer for me there. now is nov 07 and i am at 2.1g. my closest approach distance is 122m now and i need to lower this below 90m. the mars gravitational effect at 120m would be around 0.4 and this would not sufficient to perform a mars retrograde burn and bring my orbit around mars. i need to get this to 90m. so i would be running simulations again to see if a prograde burn with respect to sun brings this distance down. i am not able to get a working plan. i am afraid. i am afraid if i would be loosing my new lover too. and with a prayer, i plan to meet 120m and when i around 900m i shall try to correct my course again and see if i can get a working plan.
1.571g and i have a mars gravitational effect of 0.01 the rest 99.99 is sun. i am nervous. the fear is creeping up in my spinal cord. i do not know if i can get to mars gravitational pull. i fear that destiny has got another unrequited love for me and one more bereft lover drifting away in space as i tumble back to gloomy earth, and his persistent memories that would haunt me on earth every moment i live; killing me every moment. i have made my choices. if i could not get into the gravity of mars, i would burn the rest of hte fuel, shoot out of mars orbit and seek my grave in the sun. ironically even that would not bring sunshine or sunrise in my life. but it would be the perfect sunset. 113m and i am at 970m and hte effect of mars gravity is still 0.01. Bravely and hopelessly i approach 113m. i know i would not be able to make it to 90m. simulations show that i cannot fall below 113m.
i found the distance from Heaven and Hell. 20m. desparate times, desparate measures. my last option is to correct my course atr 200m. in whatever gravity mars provides me there, i will turn retrograde and pull my orbit around mars. if i am successful, i would be glad and if not, i would still be glad. for i would not be tumbling back to earth. i would be pulled into sun slowly first and accelerating. that would be journey across hades and into a perfect sunset. i would sleep in sun in his dreams and hope eternally that my sun one day would shine on me. 800m gravity is 0.02. mars which is so near is still a distant dream for me. love always was so distant, so tragic and so lethal for me. 595m and 0.04. this is what is called Hoping Hopelessly.
500m and i change my reference from sun to mars. and in a vain hope, and without running any simulations, i hit the retrograde programme. it is going to be a suicide or a new life. i do not bother to run simulations. i hit the lever for a full burn. the mfd is showing distance is dropping. i thank my god. now hte closest distance is 100m and for afew seconds i keep the burn going. now it is 90m. and i know a new day just started. Hitting back the throttle, i silently slip to 100m. gravity is 0.45 and i am in retrograde. as soon as i approach 90m, i would burn my fuel and that should collapse my orbit around mars, though a High mars orbit around 90m but then i have an orbit. i can slowly perform retrograde burns and get to mars to around 500k.
and it is 90m and it is 1m and now it is 500k. my orbit is more or less a circle. and i can see the martial sunrise to my right. i am in retrograde. this is a moment that i would want to share it with him, my love, with him by my side. but soon, i realise that i am sharing this moment with my love, mars, by my side.
December 15, 2012 • 2:09 pm 0
in the light of the oblivion dark,
unstarting unending being of nothingness;
mocking all that is nothingness of being,
undermining and erasing everything life and light.
under that sardonic ironic tragic stage,
asleep was i, dreaming none but you;
how can any light wake me up,
and what life can foil my dreams.
these are the realms of those external darkness
that vanquished all that was, is and will be;
all that light and life that flickered in an
oasis of space and time, probably a mirage.
under such tyrannical tomb of space and time,
i sleep in peace and in your dreams
what men or matter can ever distance me
from you, the you in my dreams.
they men, matter and moments, all that were conquered
only thought they were, indeed a psychedelic mirage.